Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
