So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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