It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
