my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
