At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
