I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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