Dual....:-)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
