party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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