I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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