She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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