Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
