I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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