Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
