i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
