Screwed.edu
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
