Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize