maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
