Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Damn victory sex feels great
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
