Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
