i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
