How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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