You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
