You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
