Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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