i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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