we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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