Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
