He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
