so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
