When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
