thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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