Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
