Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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