They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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