he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
