it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
