so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
