god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
