How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
