ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
