got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
