How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
tell me about the eggs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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