I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
so much tequila, so little girl.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
