Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
honey bunches of taint.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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