and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
