perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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