last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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