life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
