omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
