I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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