whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
