I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
