Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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