I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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