he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's get the cat blown out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
