you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
