Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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