I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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