when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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