ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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