The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
