its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pants are for mortals
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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