sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
