Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
