you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
