end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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