Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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