what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
