i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
