somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
not ubering you a puppy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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