great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
