So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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